It's all good

I want to move so bad…it’s almost all I can think about. I have become consumed with my desire for change. Different than before, my perspective has changed from the desire for what “you have”, to the desire for what we WILL have.

I have big dreams, huge dreams, almost too embarrassing to share….

I am a believer in the ideal and extraordinary. My hopes and desires make me marvel at how God created me with such duality. I have to be perfectly content in my situation while believing that God can do the impossible for me.

There are so many thoughts racing through my head right now. There are such varying degrees of desires. What I may think are big dreams, for some are not even a thought…or its what they start off with…

I believe that I will influence millions….wow….I guess I’m gonna share this….I want to speak at huge conferences and write best sellers. I want to help people live passionate and purposeful lives.

I want to do all that while still being a professional stepper…performing in shows that I create on major stages around the world.

At the very least, I am pretty sure that we are going to be millionaires :/ I want to give away a lot of money. I want to help people make things happen financially and consistently provide for random strangers.

I guess those are the biggest, broad stroke ones…well the biggest for me, but again its all relative…

My fight has been to be content with the process in light of the outcome…. because I prayed and hoped

but

Just the other day I lost a residency that I was sure was solid
I didn’t get a raise
I didn’t have a good day teaching
My kids embarrassed me ….

And those things make me angry, sad and disheartened. They make me wonder about my worth and my abilities. They make me wonder about God’s promises to me, and whether or not he even actually spoke to me…

They make me think about myself and how my actions may have caused these reactions. How my taking my blessings for granted could have actually gotten the blessings that I had been granted, taken”…. Maybe, but I don’t know if that’s how the God that I serve operates.

My dad always speaks in riddles, or in some profound, simple, philosophical way.
I asked him what good would come of a situation he’s in, I should have known it would send him into a rant style lecture…..

“Baby, it’s all good! If you believe in a higher force, nothing bad can happen.” I don’t really know where my dad is on his faith walk…at this point he knows where I stand but he always seems to manage to talk to me as if he doesn’t know….but that’s besides the point.

My dads statement challenged my perspective. Its one of those things that we say, but its harder to really internalize and feel. I know that no matter what

if I can really hide myself in Gods shadow, its all good…

As I sat on the train I just kept saying that, and it seemed that each time I said it, I got it a little more…

It’s all good
It’s all GOOD?
It’s ALL good?!
Wow…it’s ALL GOOD!!

It was the simplest of things that rocked my world and made me remember how I had reacted when things didn’t go my way…

And now I exhale and inhale and try to take this simple thought in and really wrap my heart around it, because I want to control things and I want them to happen how, when and if I want….but they don’t….my hope really is in the ideal,
The promise,
The perspective,
The fact,
That its ALL good….crazy.