Birthing Possibility

I am sitting in the place between bitter and sweet.  With expectation and great anticipation I am preparing for my life to be swept up again by that “new baby scent” and sleepless nights.  In that same breath, I am not ready. 

I am not ready for this life to leave me and have to deal with the harshness of the world rather than the safety of the womb. 

I am not ready for the juggling of six schedules and personalities that need to be taken care of.

I am not ready for the redefining of my life. 

For six and a half years my life has been consumed with being pregnant and having a newborn. This will be my last.

My identity and abilities have been adjusted based on my varying physical and mental capacity.  I have put things off, scaled things back and given justified excuses for my lack of consistency.

The season I am entering is unchartered territory and long put off responsibility. 

My weight,

Fatigue,

Accomplishments,

Goals,

Pursuit of my passion

Are opening up once more.

I am entering a season of possibility and hope and I want to be ready.  Just as easy as one crutch leaves another can fill its space. Who I am and how I’ve been seen has been wrapped up in my building a family, who will I become after this season?

Will my dreams and passions manifest in the beauty and brightness that I dream them in?

Do I have what is takes to grace stages and heal lives?

There is a part of me that is ready. The part that says my fear is unfounded and I have been moving in the direction of my passions all along.

There is just something about sensing that it is your time…. 

That there is a window to step into your fullest purpose, 

A burst of energy to run towards your dreams,

A bubbling on the inside that must produce.

That is where I am.  I have been pregnant for a long time and now we will see what will be birthed.