Stepping into Fashion- I am a Rick Owens Model

The pressure in the room was almost tangible.  It was only a rehearsal but as we waited at the top of those metal stairs our hearts beat with a strength and rhythm that would soon be echoed in our movements.  My hands were shaking as I went over all the changes that were just made.  It was so quiet, and the time seemed to pass so slowly.  My concentration was broken as the stage manager started a conversation with someone over his walkie talkie- “ these are the real models…..they ARE the models….this IS the show” It was laughable, but at that moment, the weight of the performance hit once again.

 If even someone who had watched us the whole day didn’t realize what was happening, how much more “off guard” would everybody else be?

I thought about the line we were presenting and the name of our collective team,  “Vicious” and I let the weight, strength and power of my character come out in my body as I heard the beat drop. 

It was the first full rehearsal for the man who had conceived this whole show.  I descended stairs and marched out into the space with a somewhat reserved intensity, as is the case in a rehearsal the night before a show.  The room that had been mostly empty throughout the day was now filled with the cast and crew that would help pull off this performance.  Our presentation was not without mess-ups as we fumbled through anxiety and recent changes…if nothing else was present, we put our hearts on the stage.  The eleven minutes seemed to pass like the blink of an eye and then we were outside high fiving and congratulating each other for “making it.”  The support for and from each member of the newly formed team Vicious was felt in that moment.

Out came Rick.

He had a smile on his face and simply said “ that was beyond my wildest dreams.” I was touched by his expression and genuine appreciation of this dance that captivated me in the same way that it seemed to have captivated him.  I spoke with just a few people that watched, but the response seemed to be the same.  They were moved.  Moved to tears by what they said seemed to be a spiritual experience.  As an artist who is a Christian, I was moved and encouraged.  Somehow, through the “grit” and intensity, they seemed to see my heart.

It didn’t matter what expression I wore on my face because what they felt in the room was bigger.

There was a

Unity

Beauty

Strength

Power

Intensity

Love

That poured from our hearts as we stepped down those stairs and onto that runway….

And that was just rehearsal.

Thursday morning seemed even more surreal than …..anything.

We talked, we laughed, we practiced and we prayed.  We hoped that the work that we had put in over the last months would be reflected in our performance, but really it didn’t matter, because whether we felt ready or not, the show began.

For me, it was an opportunity, a chance to share my craft, which I have worked at for fourteen years, with the world. For whatever reason Rick and his team appreciated this dance that I love…this dance that is often relegated to college campuses, competitive shows, afterschool programs and people younger than myself. We were given a chance on this larger than life stage to make history, not just in fashion, but for this dance.  To showcase it as a dance with transformative and inspirational power.  We were seen and appreciated as artists, dancers and dare I say models.

We spent only four days in Paris, but the impact we made in that time will be lasting.  I couldn’t have properly prepared for the response as I prepared for this show. I anticipated what would take place, but this… this is something else. And as I view pictures and read articles it has caused me to not only reflect on that day, but also who I am and the process as a whole…..

I am a happily married mother of four. I am well educated and passionate.  I love people and live purposefully.  I am now a model, although some would say the contrary.  I was a part of an historic event and whether it was all good or all bad, it happened.  I am one of the faces of forty, described by some as obese, angry, not good enough, amazing, strong or powerful.  If I was nothing else, I was vicious.  A representation of a line of clothing that maybe was not meant to originally adorn my brown skin or post six-month baby delivery body, but it did. 

I have been at this dance, at this movement for a long time, and on that Thursday we made a statement.  I cant speak for the intention of Rick Owens, or Ricky as some of us called him, but I can speak for myself….maybe even some of the others that day.

I am not angry.  Some things make me angry, some things make me have to be aggressive, but I am not sure that “angry” has ever been used to describe me.

I am a step dancer.  I have been dancing, only step, for fourteen years. I was captivated and fell in love the first time that I saw the dance.  The power, strength, intensity, confidence and beauty in it moved me. I never pledged a sorority, rather I stepped at church.  Three of the women that stepped with me, I’ve been stepping with my whole career, one of them my sister, none of us angry, all of us performers.

There is controversy, there is a system, whether what we did moved the fashion industry and the talks on diversity forward or backward is up for debate, and really, just opinion.

I received a text from a colleague the day after my thirtieth birthday.  She asked if I would be interested in performing for a designer in Paris for Fashion Week, I told her that I was in.  We had what seemed like endless dialogue as I tried to get my questions answered and information about what would be expected. She told me to gather my team and show up for rehearsal.  We did.  I expressed my concern because of what I knew about fashion.  We are black, athletic builds, average height, natural hair, not too fashionable…steppers ….she told me to bring my team as we were and come. We did. 

We were not completely sure about what we were stepping into, but we came to share our art.

The “grit face” was not something I had worn before, but most of this experience was new to me.  As I learned about Ricky, his aesthetic and his vision, I was moved by the idea and honored to play a role in it.

Step for me isn’t just a representation of a group that I belong to, nor is it just a way that I make money.  Step is my creative outlet. My dance, my art of choice. I hold this dance close to my heart, it’s mine.  The physical expression of everything I love.  A manifestation of what I believe. Giving clues and an inclination of the God I believe in, because when you dance, you give a look into your true self and beliefs…..

I’m not sure that everyone felt what we did, or that it will be fully understood, but for me it was a moment to showcase more than clothes. A moment for us to display our passion and our love with the intensity that we have put into it.  To be Vicious in the presentation of our creative outlet in hopes that people would be moved and connect with it. Our hope was for those eleven minutes, to change the atmosphere in the room and the way that this dance is often viewed, I am left with the impression that we did just that. 

What do you think?