I am

The weather this week has been beautiful! Whenever it starts to get warm, sun shining, birds chirping it makes me think more. Something about the cool breeze always sends me into reflection mode. This week I thought a lot about where I am and where I want to be, for me hard stuff. I wanted to share with you some conclusions that I came to about myself :) I'm new to this blogging thing and really trying to define my voice, I write to get a better sense of myself.

So this is a peak at the unpolished me



Really though everyday I go back and forth with myself about who i am and what I want to accomplish...

I am excited and extremely nervous

I am what you see, and what you think of me, both are true and both are me...to an extent.

I have learned that I have fillers….things that take the place of God and things that separate me from men, people.

I have a need to be needed.

I like to know people’s stories, some would say I’m nosey, but really, I care…
And I’m nosey

I have a desire to be genuine, and I am, but I have tinges of gray. Times where I don’t really care and it shows.

I am narcissistic; I very much want things my way.

I want to be seen like a have it together, to a degree.

I feel like revealing my weaknesses is a strength, but an area I’m not the strongest in.

I don’t feel like I know what I am doing; I am insecure.

I like a lot of people around and most feel like they know me, I don’t agree.

I am territorial.

I am a pleasure delaying fat kid because things taste better after a wait and with the proper emotional attachment to enhance flavor.

I am committed to growth, but I don’t know what I have to do all the time and even more so, I am not sure that I would do what’s needed.

The best way I can think to say it is that I look at people in an effort most times to see their flaws.

I am impatient.

All the things that I am and the flaws that I have make me less than an unlikely candidate for what I feel called to do, but I feel like God wants to use my character and my story.

I am an optimistic realist holding out for the ideal.
I am a work in progress, progressively working towards my purpose.
I am true.
I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt and friend.
I am a leader.
I am a follower.

I am a beautiful contradiction because of grace. I am in some ways what I used to be but in a real sense I am completely new. I am different things to different people and always seen in different lights, I guess I am a chameleon.
In essence I am simply complex.