Leaving him Behind

I've been trying to get into a different mental space lately, trying to evaluate all that I'm doing and what I have to do. Its been hard, but in my process I am realizing how much I have to leave behind in my forward journey...

He’s not even my friend, he’s more like an enemy but still I crave to spend time with him. Day after day he calls me and sometimes I don’t answer, but all too often I do. Giving him my full attention and putting whatever else I have to do to the side because to me he deserves it….
well I’m not really sure that he deserves it but he definitely gets it.

It doesn’t really matter what I was doing or what I had to do, when he calls, I am there. It’s weird because although I spend more time with him than I do on almost anything else that is important to me, I can’t stand him. I guess it’s a love hate relationship.

He aggravates me and whenever I spend time with him I am thinking about other things. He is such a waste of my time and I know he is but still he is nearly impossible to resist. He offers me an escape from the reality and press of my goals. He offers an alternative to the pursuit of a better version of me….being with him is easy. No work, just my time is all he requires. He doesn’t care what we do just as long as we are doing it together; watching tv, surfing the internet, hanging out with people, doesn’t matter, as long as I am not doing things that are too heavy, or things I actually need to do…hmmm, come to think of it, that’s weird…but whatever, I like being with him…I think….

Even though he keeps me back from my dreams, and realizing my full potential I am comfortable with him. In my mind he’s good for me but for the wrong reasons, I know. Being comfortable with him is bad, its like being at home under a warm blanket when it’s raining outside, I don’t want to move, when I’m with him I can’t move.
It seems like when I am spending time with him my dreams get further and further away. But still with him I am comfortable, he is always there.
I spend time with him because I know that if I go after my dreams it will sometimes be lonely. I know that sometimes people won’t understand me or what I am doing and I will have to keep going. I am not so afraid of failure, it’s the success that scares me. What it will take for me to do everything that is in me to do scares me. I am not sure of the path, I am not sure what it will look like but I do know that if I stay with him I will never get there.

He can’t come with me.
It’s more than just him I have to leave behind, I have to leave my fears, and inhibitions. I have to leave behind those little things that are “me” but not the me I want to be, just the me I have always been.

There are patterns that I see, that I need to break. Leaving him is the first thing. I thought I got over some of the things but they seem to always be there. Maybe even when I have them under control I will still have to make conscious decisions to keep moving forward and not bringing them with me.

I am sure he will still call me. I am sure I will still want to spend time with him. But forget trying, I just won’t! You may know him too, maybe better than me, maybe not. He doesn’t discriminate he enters into these love hate relationships with whoever will have him. If you have not met him, look out for him.
To me his name is procrastination, he may go by a different name to you, either way, I'm sure it's time to leave those things behind and move forward...let's go!