It makes the difference

His love makes such a difference. Helping me when I may not even realize that I need it. Holding me when I feel unstable.

Just six more days before I do this workshop. It may be a small thing to others but for me this is a big deal. I talk a lot, I dream a lot, I plan a lot, but opportunities don’t always come. This door is open and from the moment I heard the knock I was scared.

Torn between feeling like “ this is what I was made for” and “ I have no idea what I’m going to do”

I doubted myself….I feel motivated….I doubt myself….I feel empowered… I self deprecate…I feel His love and it changes things.

The challenge at church has been to get to know God and how he feels about me. The journey has shown me nothing but love.

The interesting thing about His love for me is that I didn’t know that in my fear of writing, or doing that I wasn’t allowing myself to feel it. Experiencing His love makes all the difference in what I feel like I’m able to do. Not that I am not still scared about this workshop, or about the step team, or about blogging, or coaching or ……..

Just that understanding that He loves me seems to make a difference.
It changes how I feel about myself and what I am able to do.
It changes my beliefs into reality.
It comforts me.
It challenges me.

His love has makes all the difference.

I'll take that

It has been a while…A while since I felt like I could, felt empowered, or like I could really really see…but as she spoke, I was reminded.

Reminded that I can, that it’s all possible, because all too often I don’t really feel like that’s the truth.

I get so scared and begin to engage in negative talk….

“Five minutes, hold your arms up for five minutes”

“YEA RIGHT! I am SO straight and I already know that will be painful and impossible”

I hadn’t even begun but already I was convinced that I was not able, that I had to quit before trying because the idea of trying and failing is beyond me…

So I quit before I began….but she wouldn’t really let me….we began and although she told me to quiet my mind and pay attention to what was going on for me I had to talk….
Negative talk.

“ I can’t do this”
“Five minutes is entirely too long”
“This is crazy”

And then the pain began and I realized that I had to push, because now, two minutes in, quitting, failure was no longer an option.

The literal physical pain I was in from the weight of my arms made me keep pushing, quiet my mind and begin to speak differently

“ I can do this”
“ This will be over soon”
“There is gonna be pain if I’m going to do anything worth while”

Something about feeling the pain and the weight made me realize the importance of the task. It made me think about the bigger things that im facing and the pain they often cause.

In talking about the process I realized that I play the negative talk game all the time. Afraid that someone will find me out to be a fake, that I really don’t know what I’m doing or that my dreams were just too big for my britches.

But I can’t, can’t play that game anymore because in playing it, I’m stagnant and I can’t talk about it if I’m not gonna be about it.

But still I go back and forth and it’s hard.

In spite of my feelings, insecurities and desires, all I can think to say is “I’ll take that”

I’ll take it all:
The pain
The positive words
The call
The fear
The support
The disbelief
The hard times
The good times
The process

Because whether I always want to or not. Whether or not I feel like I can. It has to be done, and I feel like it has to be me….

Spare Change

All I can think to say is that I am in the process. The past weeks have been hard and I don’t know why. They have brought the most amazing of changes and the most unproductive of days, my process. I don’t even know how to tell you what has been going on because for me it has been a blur.

All the while I’ve been thinking.

Thinking about change and what I believe. Thinking…

I wrote what's below a while ago but as I've been trying to get from thinking to doing I've had to consider what's really important to me. I know this isn't my usual type of post, hope it helps anyway.

My beliefs should affect my actions and if they don’t then I have to challenge whether or not I really believe what I say I do.
Follow the plan that was already in your heart.....


It’s funny how we say that we believe some things but there is no evidence of those beliefs in the way that we live our lives. Faith without works is dead is something like saying, if you believe it, do something about it, prove it!

There is often a disconnect between what we say we believe and what we do and the excuse is usually,
“I’m a work in progress”, or “I just don’t have the time.”

I wonder if we can even really say that we believe something if it doesn’t cause us to act or change our actions.

Relationships end all the time because one party says “ I love you” but their actions say something quite different. If we are not willing to take what someone says if they don’t show it because we can’t believe that its true then why wouldn’t we hold ourselves to the same standard?! How can I say I believe anything if doesn’t affect me outside of what I think?

I challenge you to live what you believe, whatever it may be and see how your life changes because of it.

1. Make a list of beliefs that you have or things that are important to you
2. Write down what you spend your time doing tomorrow
3. See how your beliefs affect your life or what the things you do may be saying about what you really believe.
4. Challenge yourself to change
5. Live Change

Living change is not an easy thing and pursuing your passion is hard but can you afford not to?