Act it out

I write for the sake of consistency. There is so much going on in my mind that to me it feels like I have nothing and everything to say…

I want to say something…something profound but it seems whatever profound conclusions I come to have been reached already….either way I figure I should give you, whoever you may be, an update on me. On how I am doing, or at least how I did…

The workshop…the thing I had been afraid of for weeks.

Given two whole hours to make a difference and communicate whatever I thought pertinent and relevant to the topic. “ Working Your Passion” and as I made an effort to communicate how to do that I was doing it, living it, because this work is my passion.

I had never done one like this before. Many workshops about step, so very dear to my heart, but this was different, I often feel vulnerable and unworthy when it comes to the motivational
Inspirational
Thoughtful
Me

So as I sweat bullets and sat with a six page outline printed on canary yellow paper I tried to calm myself and not be awkward because often I am.

I wish I could communicate the crazy feelings I had…like I would implode or even worse be stared at with blank faces as I poured out my theories and ideas and the importance of understanding your passion which I believe is directly related to your purpose.

It was hard because I felt bare and vulnerable, sharing the deep thoughts of my heart and hoping that it wasn’t too simple or silly or just plain stupid.

All the encouragement in the world did not make a difference. They made me smile and feel good for a second but they did not change the anxiety or negative feelings. I had to overcome my fears
I had to trust God
I had to believe in myself
I had to act on what I said I believed

This is only the beginning. The exercise of stepping outside of my comfort zone and into my purpose brought a new focus to the work that I want to do. I understand that it wont be easy but I am committed to the process and being uncomfortable

Its funny how we always…maybe not always...but sometimes we tend to think of ourselves in the worst light…our self worth and self esteem are constantly being challenged by our purpose.

All of the process is important, what I see and where I stand. The things I am feeling and going through are just to push me closer…just exercise. Character building so that as I get closer to that picture of me, I will be strong.

There is a woman on the Next Food Network Star and she consistently produces what the judges say is excellent food. She, rather than give a confident nod and a “thank you” consistently makes comments like “ Wow, Really?!?!” or “ I just cant do anything right!” There is a genuine negative light that she sees herself in.

We don’t always see the greatness in ourselves. No matter the praise, no matter the track record…

I get SO pissed at her, but more often than not…I am her…sad but true

I constantly have to flood my mind with
Positive thoughts and the reality of what God says about me, because if I don’t I guarantee you that I would be doing nothing…but I must.

I must work because He has created me to. Because I need it. Because you need it…

Seems like there is a cockiness in that but the truth is that I feel like God has given me something that the world needs…I just have to believe it and act it out.