Hands and Feet

There are SO many things that I used to do that I don't do anymore and I miss. Then there are things that I say I believe in and want to do that I don't. Community Service/ Volunteer work is one of those things that I am trying to build into my life.

I guess its sometimes hard for me to wrap my mind around doing it because there is so much other stuff that I am trying to do. The thing is though that I am getting tired of talking about doing and never making the moves to freely help. Homelessness in NYC is crazy, and if we all...if I sit around and make excuses how will the work ever get done?

It seems like for the past couple of weeks, and in my life in general, the consistent themes are CHANGE and LOVE...for me that is hard, but I'm working....
Really, I'm just trying to be Hands and Feet:

I said I was going to do it so I didn’t want to cop out even though I could find reason to…I was committed…..
Committed to stepping outside my comfort zone to do something I said I wanted to do. I said it was important to me but I never made a point to live it out, today I did. I met them on the corner of 50th and 10th and we walked and talked. We kept our eyes open for someone who could benefit from what we had to offer.

There he sat at a table by himself. I wasn’t going to approach him because I didn’t want to offend him, he didn’t seem to need what we were offering.

He spoke first. “ I don’t associate with her because she’s a crack head.”
I sat and we began to talk.
Politics, God, Martians, conspiracy theories, Bush, service in the navy, San Diego, Lobster, Steak and caviar for breakfast.

He didn’t want our sandwiches, he wanted companionship, a supportive group to be a part of. He said that he was seeking, starting all over again on his journey. He blamed the Christians in his life for his state and did not want to hear anything else about what we believed. That was fine, we weren’t looking for a convert, just trying to be the hands and feet of the one that we follow.

I could see that he saw something different in us. Could see that we weren’t trying to sell anything, he could see that we meant what we were saying.

With everything that was in me, I just wanted to be genuine, just wanted to listen, and I did….I followed him on his rants. We engaged him and tried to answer his request for companionship.
I used to think that I had to sell something, and that I had to sell it quickly, I don’t believe that anymore. Sometimes, more often than not you just have to be a real person and show real love because so many of us don’t.

“They don’t even see me, they think they’re better than me.”

Lowering our eyes and putting pep in our step because we don’t want to be bothered by their stories.

I heard his, I saw him as he spoke, I looked into his eyes, and I believe that he felt the love of God.

He refused prayer, I wanted to push it but for what? To fulfill my need to be recognized as a Christian or as somebody who cares because I prayed for him while he was right there? Getting out of my commitment to follow up and think about him later because I already did my duty…there was a battle for my religious self to die…I wanted to be hands and feet, not the institutionalized religion that he hates.

As we got up to leave I told him I would see him again, he said I would never come back, he was made the promise before and it was broken… “I’ll be back” I said “and when I can, I’ll bring steak”. I offered a hug, shedding my preconceptions of what might happen if I hugged this man without a home…we hugged. He said “ no one has ever hugged me before, I have never felt loved like that.”

As I stepped outside of my comfort zone, I was able to show love to one who was deemed unlovely and he felt it. I believe he was changed by our interaction, I know that I was.