I have Hope

This week was a trying week for me. I lost my wedding rings, band and engagement during a class. Please hold your questions, Im still dealing with it and I'm still hopeful..

My eyes are red.

Red because I can’t stop these tears from falling. I feel like I’ve been pushed over the edge of a small cliff, and now a waterfall. Not sure what really brought this surge of emotion but since the middle of yesterday I’ve been low. Before that, I was in a weird place.

So now, because of a misplace and a broken taillight it all comes to a head. The heaviness that was with me yesterday and all through the night to this morning has overcome me and I cry. Cry because….

I’m not sure why.

Needing a release and not sure if my problems are worth talking your ear off about I sit and I cry.

Wanting to feel something else and now the floodgates are open and emotion is pouring out of me.

As I looked into the mirror and saw my red eyes I began to feel a peace, his presence was there…

Feeling comfort in the idea that I walk by faith and not by sight…standing in awe of him I began to feel better.

Enough to make the tears stop and get a small grip because I had to teach and life goes on.

I began to rise out of the mini depression I had been slipping into

Feelings of inadequacy
Fear
and emptiness
Replaced by hope.

The hope of knowing that the overwhelming grief I was feeling was temporary.
Knowing that He knows and cares about my situation.

So if I don’t know how to help you now, I will
If I don’t know how things will work out, they will

And as I type I feel tears of gratitude because in a matter of ten minutes and a bucket full of tears he was able to change my heart, just a little bit at least so that I can cope. So that I can see the bigger picture and realize that a lost ring and a broken taillight, not being prepared for my class, not knowing what will happen with my business and not knowing how to move forward are temporary and they too will pass.


But as I walked into the room where my ring was lost I was reminded…

I lost it. They stole it, or it was taken.
Either way it’s gone.

But in my loss I was given hope and I was able to give trust and belief.
She handed me my wedding band and said that she found it.


“You think we stole it.”

In that moment I was glad that I didn’t. The hurt in her voice let me know that she had felt this way before. Judgment cast on the innocent because of her bad attitude. I too wanted her gone. Removed from my class because she distracted the others.

She wanted to stay.
She wanted to change. And now I’m glad she’s there.

I say that I believe in them and I do, but when something goes missing its hard not to blame and draw conclusions.
The relationships I had built could have been destroyed in an instant if I didn’t practice what I preach.

She needed someone to trust her and to believe that she, that they could do good.

Because I was sad and broken I was able to receive….
Regardless of what the outcome would be, will be, I had hope. My ability to let go of the situation (in a way) helped me to give.

I am not sure if this all makes sense, but for me I realized that allowing God to be with me, allowed me to give out of what I had lost.

I have hope.