How could I, the wife of a hoofer and a stepper myself, suck so much? How could I be and feel so uncoordinated?!
I struggled and more than once I sat down. Coming up with excuses as to why it was ok for me to do so:
Well, I wasn’t really prepared to dance today…
I don’t have tap shoes…
This IS a beginner/intermediate class…
And even simply… I’m tired and hot
Feeling like all eyes were on me while at the same time realizing that none of them really cared..
I sat
I watched
I thought
It hit me that I was a quitter and that didn’t seem to match the idea I had of myself so I got up
All the while thinking that this was WAY outside of my comfort zone.
Palms sweating and scared, having a battle that no one else could see.
It isn’t often that I try new things but I do know that I HATE doing things that I don’t feel like I’m good at…
I had to get up and keep trying though, because otherwise I would be a hypocrite
“ Come to my class, you’ll love it! Even if you haven’t stepped before and have two left feet, it will be fine”
Now I was in the position of student and it was the worst, but I was committed. Committed at the least to not being a quitter so I had to relax…
Breathe and Relax..
Relax and Breathe
I realized that I had been over thinking the process, I had to feel and do….let go, so I did
Who cares if I don’t get it?
Who cares if “they” think I should be doing better
I had to let go of my fears of failure and of the unrealistic expectations I had put on myself for this new yet familiar dance.
I had to commit myself to the discomfort because it was there that growth happened for me
At the end of the class I still sucked…but I was challenged. I grew because I was uncomfortable and I decided to stick with it…try it…try something, you never know how you’ll grow.
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2 comments:
Ah! Janille, I love that you show us how human you are and that by revealing yourself to us, I'm learning how alike we are. I had the exact anxiety before coming to your step class, and if it hadn't been for Andrea agreeing to attend that first class in January with me, I wouldn't be your most devoted Steppee(is that even a word?!? haha).
I still find myself uncoordinated and laugh at myself throughout the entire class each week, but I enjoy it tremendously, because it is something new, something that gets me moving and last but not least, something that I share with you, Andrea and everyone else who comes - a new experience each time. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and for encouraging us all to "step" outside our comfort zones. :)
And for some reason, I feel like this song fits with this post... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wIWut9ZrbRs
Ah, my humble friend....pupil of life. This is why we're besties. I can picture this entire sequence and love each step because you arrive new and rejuvenated. I think there was just one thing missing from this event.....Jayda. How beautiful it would have been for her to watch and.learn from you. What an essential lesson. I would include Anaya but even though I call her an adult I don't think she could process the lesson the way Jayda would. No shade, Aneezie
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