My life in Christ

One of my biggest fears is that my life would not tell of the relationship I have with Christ. That I will get swept up in a church talk, non Bible reading lifestyle and speak of days of old. That I wouldn’t have any fresh experiences with Him to draw from.

I fear that I reminisce too much and don’t dig into Him enough.

I know enough about Him, have experienced Him enough to not leave. To know that He is the only answer, that He is the answer. Spent enough time with Him to know that when He breaks in it means everything. There is no turning back for me, no changing my mind, no doubt.
But I wonder

If my life is full of living in a way that doesn’t not look like Him rather than a life that is bursting with fullness from my relationship with Him.

I wonder

If my children will see my love for Him as I feel or experience or know it. If the stripping away of my religiosity will leave them feeling like we “just go to church”

I wonder

If the people that I work with would be surprised, shocked or in disbelief that I am a Christian and whether or not that would be a bad thing. Would they not be able to see Christ in me or surprised that Christ could look so good. You know what I mean?

I wonder

If my friends feel the same way

If the way that I talk about Him and think about him could substitute time spent with Him or reading about Him.

I want
To find the balance between the memorization, perfect church attendance and a life devoid of the “big sins” and where I seem to be now.

I want
To wake up in the morning and spend my first with him on a consistent basis. To be fed and rejuvenated by him. To acknowledge him in every situation and interaction.

I want
To have the fire I had when I first met him collide with the deep love and passion I have for Him and the knowledge I need of Him.

I want

To put what I hear into practice. To know what scripture to read and be filled by it. To not fall off the horse but to be consistent.

I want to be a mirror of His love. To experience his changing power on a continual basis.

I don’t want to live a certain way in my head that doesn’t match up with reality. I don’t want to think my life is a pretty reflection when really it is just a blurry picture. I want my mental convictions to match up with my experience and actions.

As of now, I am working on my relationship.